my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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