Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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