sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
