Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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