if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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