I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
