Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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