at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
