I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
