I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
