evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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