I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
