I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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