This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
