He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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