Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
