OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
