bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
