I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
