i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I look better un-naked...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
