I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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