i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I AM VODKA MAN
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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