the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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