was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
