If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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