her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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