I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
