Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
