I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
