When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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