So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
