happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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