Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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