he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
