I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize