We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize