worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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