well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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