I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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