my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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