so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
