I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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