I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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