i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
