It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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