I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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