not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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