What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
