Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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