Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
