Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
