dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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