i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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