I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
