OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
