I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
