I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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