My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
