i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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