Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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