Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
