Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
