the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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