Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
