Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
