: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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